


The Good, the Bad and the Deadly

by Paersephone, Zachanariel



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BDSM, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Consent, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Kakashi, Humour, Hurt/Comfort, Rope Bondage, Strong Haruno Sakura, Threesome, Unhealthy Relationships, but it gets better, sometimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:14:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 44
Words: 13,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22681567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paersephone/pseuds/Paersephone, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zachanariel/pseuds/Zachanariel
Summary: Kakashi does not want to train kids anymore. That much is clear. When Tsunade all but forces him to take over one of his former kid’s training for her upcoming Jōnin test, he’s not amused. Neither is Sakura, who despises him greatly. But in the end, will chemistry and need for comfort and pain do their work?
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Other(s)
Comments: 93
Kudos: 306
Collections: Naruto Wonderland





	1. Kakashi

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! First of all, thanks for hitting this story, we're very pleased to see you! Second, this is a two-author story. Neither of us is a native English speaker, but we'll do our best to present you with a well-written story. Percy (Paersephone) writes Kakashi's parts and I write Sakura's. Also, this is not a sweet story, not at first anyway — maybe later on, who knows? WE DO! One thing is for certain: this will have a happy ending because we're both big, helpless fluffballs. 
> 
> Chapters every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday. TWs will be written at the beginning of sensitive chapters.

“Ah, Kakashi. And barely twelve minutes late. Congratulations.” 

Kakashi groaned something unsavoury under his breath before flashing one of his eyed smiles at the Hokage. “What can I say, Hokage-sama,” he said in a deferential voice before bowing slightly. “You scare the fuck out of me.” 

Tsunade barked a laugh that told him his cheek and humour had saved his arse again. He eyed the girl next to him curiously; the Hokage had not deemed useful to inform him concerning why he had been summoned but he was sure it had to do with her apprentice who stood perfectly still and composed under his scrutinous gaze. She dimpled at him and waved in a friendly manner and he nodded slowly. 

“Hi, Sakura-chan. Is it still okay if I call you Sakura-chan?” 

Tsunade shot him a glare and he straightened his back. He had not been lying when he’d said that she terrified the crap out of him; the woman was a damn menace. “Quit fooling around, Kakashi. You’re here for an assignment. You’re going to train Sakura for her Jōnin test.” 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. “It’s hardly fooling around,” he drawled, to bid time and figure things out. “I’m just being polite to my former student. Concerning what you’re asking of me, I think I’ve been quite clear the last time you tried to give me another team. I’m not taking kids in anymore. Not as Genin, not as Chūnin.” 

He knew that was bold, even for him, but she just  _ had _ to understand.


	2. Sakura

Sakura knows it’s a bad idea — and her mean, mean shishou knows even more. She has confided in Tsunade as a young girl, then as a teen, and yet again as an adult. The Hokage knows almost everything about her. She knows how Sakura can’t bear her former sensei's presence around her because  _ he. keeps. dismissing. her. _

And sure, there he is, dismissing her. Like he always does. Why does it still hurt like that? She prefers to be stabbed by fucking  _ Sasori of the Red Sand _ than being dismissed again. But she is the apprentice of Tsunade, Hokage the Fifth. She can’t hide and she can’t cry. She will not ever be crying again, because she is a true kunoichi now and so fucking strong, yadda yadda yadda.

_ Fuck it hurts _ . 

Maybe because she is in pain and can’t show it by usual, healthy means, she lets the sweetest smile appear on her lips, the one that screams friendship and security, and she lashes out like a wounded beast. "Aah, Tsunade-shishou, I told you so." She’s the only one to be able to tell that to Tsunade and walk out of the room alive. Other wouldn’t even be crazy enough to try, but Sakura has forfeited her life long ago. "He can't do it. He's not strong enough."

She knows it’ll hurt Kakashi. But fuck him. May he be hurt like she is now, crying and raging inside because she’s never good enough to be worthy of his fucking  _ attention _ . "I guess training the boys was  _ so easy _ . Sasuke and his powers, Naruto and his determination. I just have a brain. Maybe I'd be more suited to train under Shikaku-sama. I heard  _ he  _ knows how to handle a brain."


	3. Kakashi

Kakashi freezed when he heard the quiet, joyful dismissal in his former student’s voice. He turned his head slowly towards her, watching her discourse with calm and composed  _ serenity  _ and he almost lost it. He let a bit of killing intent bloom on his skin but drew his chakra back in almost immediately, and he hoped that Tsunade didn’t feel more than a flutter on her meridians. He could not let control escape his grasp. Could not. Would not. Not even for this insufferable know-it-all who thought she’d got him alright. 

And then, then she insulted his intelligence, and hell broke loose. 

“Careful,  _ girl _ ,” he half-spat, half-growled, taking a step towards her. None of his previous friendly demeanour showed on the visible part of his face. “If you think training Sasuke fucking Uchiha and Naruto was easy, you’re wrong. How could you know? You don’t know shit, Sakura. You think I can’t handle that brain of yours, eh? Who do you think you are?” 

“ENOUGH!” Tsunade stood up and Kakashi would have fled the office had he not been so damn  _ angry _ . “You will not speak to my apprentice that way, Hatake Kakashi. As for taking her in, I allowed your tantrum last fall, but I will not indulge you anymore. You’re the fittest ninja I have for this task and I will not be disrespected any longer. Shikaku Nara will not train my apprentice,  _ you  _ will. Wanna bet how fast I can dishonour your name?” 

Kakashi drew a sharp breath through gritted teeth. Oh, no, she didn’t. He lost a bit of respect for the war chief of his village, but part of him, the calmer, reasonable part, told him that he would’ve done the same. He bit his tongue to prevent from telling her a sharp retort about her betting habits and turned back to face the girl. 

“ _ Fine _ , Haruno. Meet me tomorrow morning at eight sharp on Training Ground 3. Let’s see if you can get those fucking bells. And this time, if you weep over your lover boy’s dead body, I will laugh.”


	4. Sakura

Sakura stays calm while he uses murderous intent on  _ her _ . His former student. But she can easily understand how he never saw her that way. Why would he have? She had been useless back then. She had sworn to change again and again, and it had taken Sasori running a sword through her chest for her to really completely shed Sasuke and Naruto's shadows from her shoulders. No one knows, except for Tsunade, that she has died a little that day. Just a few seconds. Enough to feel terribly cold and never really warm or alive again.

She ignores his rant because she has often been abused like that by Jônin and ANBU these last few years. Everyone hates medics until they have their organs hanging from their abdomens — just then, medics are heroes, and after that they’re crap again. She doesn’t bat an eye, even when the hatred Kakashi feels about her becomes so obvious, even when he talks about Sasuke and about showing her a past, long-forgotten vision of hell.

"It's settled then, Kakashi-sensei," she tells him again in that quiet and composed voice he seems to hate. Too feminine? Too soft? Too medic? Those are her flaws in shinobi’s eyes, after all, three amongst many. "As for weeping, you should really update your knowledge. I don't shed a tear. Ever. Even when the teacher I once admired behaves like a piece of shit." She smiles again, bows to Tsunade and then sunshins away. A Jônin technique she has learned all alone.  _ Fuck him _ .

And she spends the whole fucking afternoon, evening and night trapping the fuck out of Training Ground 3. She knows he doesn’t know about her affinity with traps — he doesn’t care enough about her to check what she has learned with Shikamaru the fucking  _ genius _ . And she  _ has  _ a brain. She works and works and works, using her chakra reserves and military pills to stay focused, awake and ignore the painful numbness in her chest. It never fades.

She doesn’t need to eat or sleep. She doesn’t need anything. Doesn’t even need to prove him wrong. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t care at all.


	5. Kakashi

He took a deep breath through his nose when she left the office. He had to calm down. He wasn’t even mad at her — well, not at first, but then she’d insulted his intelligence and well. Shit. She was still one of his former students and they’d had a good enough relationship in the past. Why the fuck had he reacted that way? 

“Alright then, Hokage-sama,” he bowed distractedly. 

“Hold the fuck on, Hatake.” Kakashi sighed and sat obediently on the chair she was pointing. He’d done enough disobeying for the day, he mused, and she was not a patient woman. “Sakura is a good person. A good shinobi. She’s been through things you haven’t bothered to keep up with, but she’s an amazing medic and I will not have you mess with her too much.” 

He raised his head at that, a calculating glint in his eyes. “If you wanted her to have an easy training, just pick someone else. I’m not… I’m not a gentle or soft man.” 

“I  _ know _ . That’s not the point. Push her around as much as you’d like during training, but since you will have to interact with each other for a few weeks, you  _ will  _ be civil to her.” 

He knew an order when he heard one and bit the inside of his cheek in annoyance. He nodded then, and got up, before performing a Sunshin to get the fuck out of there. 

The night was unforgiving. He turned around and around, trying to dislodge the memories behind his eyelids. He fell through a daze at some point, and his barely coherent dreams featured either Sakura or Rin and it was unbearable, especially when they’d started to blur around the edge because of his fatigue and became a kind of hybrid that accused him of things he’d done and deeply regretted.

When the sunlight cast its rays in his room, he’d slept a grand total of thirty minutes. His mind was hazy and blurry and he couldn’t  _ fucking think straight _ RinRinRinRinRin went in his ears and he wanted to punch something. 

The shower barely helped and he fell asleep briefly against the wall, the water a soothing balm for his aching body. Stumbling out of the facilities, he opened a drawer and popped a military pill in his mouth, because there was no way he could fight Sakura for the bells without a clear mind. He wasn’t stupid, after all. Although he dismissed the girl’s abilities as a fighter, he knew she had a sharp mind —  _ RinRinRinRinRin  _ — and  _ FUCK  _ he just wanted to fucking die like his arsehole of a father that had left him  _ alone _ . 

He glanced at the clock. Eight forty-one. Good enough, he thought, and let’s get this over with anyway. A quick Sunshin and he was momentarily blinded because of the light but didn’t squint and waved.

“Hi, Sakura-chan,” he said in the parody of his cheerful tone that she had heard numerous times during their training a lifetime ago. “How’s it going today?” 

And then, hell broke loose.


	6. Sakura

He’s late, of course. She knows why, she knows about the stone because she goes there too now and sometimes she can feel his chakra lingering in the air. That’s painful, of course. She has so many people to mourn already. She can’t think about the people  _ he  _ mourns. She knows already how he has lost everything and everyone, one loved person after the other. Not an excuse to be an asshole. Just look at Naruto, for fuck’s sake.

She doesn’t answer his greetings - well, not in words anyway. She has holes in the soles of her boots, tiny drills where chakra passes and touches the seals she has drawn there during sunfall. One to stop him from fleeing. One to break havoc on fucking Training Ground 3.

Hell explodes all around them, fire and acids and fumes, all toxic, nasty and painful. She doesn’t move. Her skin is deeply burned, but her medic powers kick in and start healing her as she moves, running through handseals. Genjutsu now.

She sends him images of herself burning and screaming and dying in layers so he’ll have to fight them one after the other, so he’ll struggle to see the reality. When she’s sure he’s too busy fighting her illusions, she kicks him right in the chest so hard he flies through a tree. Then she jumps on him in all her furious, wounded glory. The bells. She wants the bells and extends her hand to take them. Prove him wrong by fighting like the dirtbag she is in his eyes.


	7. Kakashi

Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. He had made one of the worst mistakes imaginable and had underestimated his opponent and as his body flew into the air and he crashed loudly against a tree — shit three ribs were apparently broken and did one just pierce his lung — he realized that the blushing girl he had taught a decade ago was not anymore and in her place stood this singed, burning, terrifying sight of a  _ woman _ . 

He was a fucking idiot. She was Tsunade’s student. Of course she was bloody terrifying. A grunt escaped his lips and with it a trickle of blood and he tried to draw in a breath but the pain in his lung shot through him like a bolt. His overstimulated senses told him that it wasn’t over yet and the tree he was lying against topped over and collapsed, narrowly missing him. 

His tongue flicked on his lips and he felt the taste of charred flesh and the metallic tinge of his own blood. His mask was almost completely destroyed and the skin on his face was blistering, burned beyond repair. He feared he might die on this training ground at the hands of a girl with a grudge and felt bubbles of laughter build in his sore throat, sending waves of pain in his torso, where the worst of the blow had been taken. 

“Kakashi-sensei!”

The voice was shrill and panicked and he almost saw the ghost of the girly child he had trained. He rose, spitting blood on the ground, and turned to face what had gotten her in this state, and she was  _ burning _ , in fucking flames, and for a devastating moment, far worse than what he’d thought mere seconds ago, he thought she was going to die  _ no not on my watch not my team not again no _ and he ignored the pain and rushed to her but what could he fucking  _ do  _ and there were tears running on her cheeks little droplets of despair that were almost instantly drying due to the heat but Sakura didn’t cry, did she? 

His hands formed the Tiger hand seal and he shouted “Kai” at the top of his burned, wounded lungs and there was a maelstrom of awful sights around him and the bitch had actually  _ layered  _ the genjutsu.  _ Kai kai kai kai kai kai kai _ he shouted with his eyes shut to fend against the nervous breakdown and crippling fear that were creeping their ways in his brain and he choked on a sob when he heard Rin’s voice.

And then he opened his eyes again to find the very much alive, insufferable girl reaching to get the bells and he fished a kunai from his pouch before transpiercing her hand and pinning it on the ground. “ENOUGH,” he screamed in a hoarse voice. “Enough, you stupid, fucking girl.”


	8. Sakura

It hurts so fucking much — but this time her mind and body both hurt and it’s almost a blessing. She feels so powerful and complete for one perfect second, agony filling her soul and flesh alike; then Kakashi opens his eyes, speaks and of course ruins the harmony vibrating through her  _ because that’s what he does _ .

The kunai takes a pained moan from her, but again his fucking mouth blabs and stops it from soothing her. Can’t he just kill her in retaliation? No, that’s right, he can’t. He doesn’t know how. Her teeth are bloody and her lips ruined when she opens her mouth and croons against the shell of his ear.

"Now, Kakashi-sensei, we established already that I wasn't stupid." She touches his devastated torso with her free hand, minty chakra pouring through her still healing fingers. If he dies, Tsunade will blame her. Quite correctly so.

"As for a  _ girl _ , well, that's your mistake, isn't it? To still see me as the tiny girl desperate for her oh-so-strong sensei to take care of her like he took care of her teammates." She tears her trapped hand up through the guard of the kunai and already it starts to heal, the monstrous hole filling itself with tendons and flesh and bones.

"I'm gonna take those bells like I took them with Naruto when I still believed there was hope about you and if you try to stop me, I'm gonna punch your cold heart through your chest and take them anyway before putting it back in place."

Her mostly healed hand touches his throat, but not to strangle him, even though the idea pleases her. She hits the pressure points to paralyze a body, the ones she used during the war to heal without anesthesia when the products couldn't be found anymore. The screams and pleas and despair...  _ Stop _ .  _ Focus _ .

This time she touches the bells and takes them. Maybe he really can’t move. Maybe he takes her threats to heart. Maybe something else. She doesn’t know, doesn’t care. She takes the bells, infuses them in chakra as a claim then throws them a mere inch away from his face. A minute passes. She’s still healing, trying to dissolve her own poisons from her lungs. "I'm gonna heal you now. Hold still or I'll hurt you again."


	9. Kakashi

He felt his conscience faltering and his hand fell limp beside the kunai. His eyes rolled in the back of his head and everything was so painful but part of him basked in this complete surrender of his body, reveled in the glorious pain shooting through his nerves and the desperate hiss of his right lung every time he drew in an agonising breath. 

He felt the fresh, antiseptic touch of her chakra on his torso and his lung knitted itself back together, his ribs cracking loudly in the process. He breathed deeply a few times, feeling the invigorating oxygen awakening his muscles again, and his eyes snapped back open just in time to see her seize the bells. 

He had gravely underestimated her. 

“Fine,” he coughed and blood dripped on his exposed cheek. “Fine. You pass, damn you.” 

He went back to the words she’d just said and he could hear years of grief behind the serene tone in which she had spoken. Had he failed her that much? It didn’t matter though. He had been righteously mad at Tsunade for pulling him out of the ANBU, and she was just in the way. And using his mourning of Rin and his fear of losing someone that had once been close was not an appropriate revenge. 

Rin. Fuck. He felt acid tears build in his eyes and blinked them away, while trying to maintain a panic attack within the boundaries of his mind. He didn’t want to show any weakness, not to this kid fourteen years younger than him.

“You’re good,” he drawled with difficulty. “But don’t think I won’t get you for that.”

Her healing chakra felt like salvation on his charred skin and he looked through hooded eyelids to her focused face. She was an incredible medic, he knew that. Her green eyes were analysing his body and taking in all of the wounds she had inflicted and he felt something stir inside of him, like a caged, raging monster who wanted to get free. He imagined this beautiful face with tears down her cheeks and pleading eyes, her kneeled in front of him and her pink hair in his rough hands and his cock —  _ fuck _ . A shudder ran through him and while he thought he was in too much pain to have an erection, he was painfully wrong.


	10. Sakura

There is so much pain in his voice. Not only physical but also — she  _ doesn’t doesn’t doesn’t _ care. Shinobi with that kind of voice are sent away to a therapist. He probably sees one or more. She... Finds ways around it. First she did after Sasori and then after Pain destroyed Konoha and again after the war. No one will ever know how empty, dead and cold she feels. There are things even  _ Tsunade  _ doesn’t know. Things that would destroy the old lady. Sakura can’t do that to her beloved shishou.

“Please wait until your right lung is complete again before talking.” The  _ you moron _ is only implied but not that subtle either. Sakura is good enough of a medic to be allowed to trashtalk her patients when they are that stupid. Tsunade and Shizune too, of course. And goddamn fucking Nara Yoshino the goddess amongst mortals who prefers to stay in the shadows but would have been a second Tsunade if Sakura hadn't showed up. They’re brutal and cruel, the four of them, but healing others and sacrificing themselves is their first instinct.

He talks again, just after she finishes healing his lung, so she doesn’t puncture the other one in retaliation for wasting her precious work. She is careful to not watch his face, so she doesn’t see what he wants hidden. He probably doesn't deserve that much respect and privacy, but she’s used to give more than what she owes to men. Sasuke, Naruto... Him. They have a lot in common. Things she has not. Maybe that was why Kakashi despises her. Why she learnt how to hate him in turn.

And then she feels him shudder and something  _ hardens  _ where she sits on top of him. He... It’s the adrenalin. She has also felt on fire after a battle, every single fucking time. Messing around with Tenten has helped a lot during the war — until Neji then Gai died, of course. After that, Tenten had been in so much pain and Sakura powerless against it. With a sigh, she rises and places a careful space between them. He’s healed. He can go complain about his pink new skin and sore muscles with his damned buddies from ANBU. She doesn’t care. Caring has never been any good, only painful.

"Fine," she answers, always in that soft tone. "Get me for it, hurt me, I really don't care. I'll survive." There’s a dangerous edge to her tone, but he probably can’t hear it. No one can, even Tsunade. Her voice is empty and cold, as if she was already dead and lived on autopilot. Heal the wounded, protect the weak, throw herself between danger and client. She has done it all. Again and again. He can’t do anything to her she won’t be able to repair.

"Do I let you go then? I suppose you have work with ANBU." She’s so proud to be able to tell the hated name in an emotionless voice. Damn ANBU. She would have gladly burnt it to the ground, if Konoha hadn't needed it. ANBU has created Shimura Danzô and Uchiha Itachi and Hatake Kakashi. ANBU has created three men which, one way or another, have contributed to destroy her. And she barely manages to pretend otherwise.


	11. Kakashi

He searched for a light in her eyes, something to prove to him that the kid who was so eager to please (especially Sasuke) was still there. She apparently wasn’t. A deep, deep pain found its way just next to his heart and remained there. 

“No,” he said hoarsely but finding that his deep, rumbling voice was coming back. “No, I don’t. I’m, as they say, all yours.”

He tried not to let his treacherous eyes roam and take in her body but while her skin could apparently knit itself back together, her clothes couldn’t and she was beautiful and glorious with the soot clinging to her fair complexion. “Who —“ he began, then coughed and sat against the stump of the fallen tree. He raised his hand slowly and trailed his fingertips along the black mark on her calf, left by the fire she had ignited. Her skin felt warm to his icy fingers and he just wanted to stroke her again. His strength was coming back so he got up as well, closing a bit of the safe distance she had created between them. He rubbed gently at another streak of soot on her cheek. “Who hurt you so much,” he said in a whisper, wanting nothing more than placing her on his laps and beat — focus, Kakashi dammit — “that you’ve grown so cold? Don’t tell me it was me. I’m an arsehole but even I don’t have that much power.” 

He let his fingertips graze against a lock of pink hair, just behind her right ear. He wanted to taste the skin right there, see if she would squeal if he bit it. Drawing a deep breath to stop his arousal, he caught a whiff of her smell and something else entirely and he just wanted to make her come until she screamed. 

It was adrenalin. He knew that. Sometimes after the painful battles, he and Gai would — no, no. Stop. Too painful. 

“What got you so cold, Sakura-chan?”


	12. Sakura

An humourless laugh bites its way through her throat, barely audible. The fucker probably heard anyway. He hears everything - even the little girl crying herself to sleep the first time she killed a bunny because they had needed food. Years ago. In another lifetime. "I'd never want  _ you  _ of all people to be all mine."

She flinches when he touches her but doesn’t move. It’s pointless. She probably couldn't stop him except if she killed him — and that she can definitely do. But that would disappoint Tsunade so much... And Konoha needs the Copy Nin, Hokage the Sixth, more than it needs Sakura comfortable and safe. So yes, she lets him touch her leg and then, after he rises, her cheek and hair. His calloused fingers are so soft, almost tender. A lie. She’s never the one someone takes care of. She has accepted it a long time ago.

And maybe she indulges him too because she never allowed anyone to touch her with such kindness and right now, just after such a violent and brief fight, it makes her feel  _ weird _ . Tenten's face, just after Sakura had failed to save Neji and  _ felt his body die under her hands _ comes briefly disrupt her vision. The other kunoichi has never blamed Sakura, of course, and has even taught her an absurd lot of stuff about weapons and seals since then. But they have never been the same after their friend’s death. And no one has ever known what had once united them.

He asks again his stupid question and this time she answers, after briefly rubbing the skin between her breasts.  _ Numbnumbnumb it hurt _ . "You, of course. Not only you, but you were the first. Then Sasuke, and Naruto although he was the only one to not do it on purpose and to always apologize. Then Sasori of the Red Sand, that sick fucker. _He_ hurt like a bitch. Still does. And then poor Uchiha Itachi and Pain or Nagato or whatever his fucking name was. And the war. And fucking Shimura Danzô and his fucking ROOT... All those broken souls I had to put down to sleep because they couldn't ever live a normal life."

She can’t look at him. Won’t. No, really, can’t. No use trying to lie.

"But  _ you  _ taught me pain. You taught me I would never be enough. I guess thanks to you the next ones were easier to accept. I didn't spare energy to fight them, I already knew because of _you_ how pointless it would have been. It doesn't matter, anyway. Shinobis are the ones who endure. I accepted it a long time ago and I didn't need your help then. I don't need it _now_."


	13. Kakashi

Another twinge of sadness pierced his heart. But he was composed, he was a goddamn shinobi and a good one, too, since he was the sixth fucking Hokage and he stayed very still, listening to her listing her griefs against the various people — men  _ of course it's always fucking men _ Rin was dead because of  _ men  _ and he was fatherless because of  _ men  _ focus focus focus and holy shit her hand rubbing at her torso and he just wanted to kiss the scar until the pain went away because who can hurt her if he cannot? — that had hurt her during her life. He had been the first. Figures. Of course it was his fucking fault.

He let her list why he was an arsehole and a small smile fought its way to his face, a small, bitter smile, that he made disappear with an act of will. “Of course you weren’t good enough,” he said finally, the words slow and unforgiving. “Did you realize who you were training with? I told the Third repeatedly that I didn’t want to train kids. I’m not a good enough teacher. And he gave me Sasuke fucking Uchiha and Naruto the jinchûriki. And then there was you. Little Miss Perfect with her silly, obsessive fucking crush and the bad sensei who read porn and wasn’t emotional enough to deal with her crisis. Shit, even G—” he choked on the word, “even Gai wouldn’t have been able to handle you. He was all about Lee, wasn’t he? Did you ever ask his teammates if they had been happy with their sensei? No, of course, we don’t trash talk the dead ninjas in this brave village. Fuck you, Haruno. I’ve been robbed of far more and I was younger than you by a large margin when it happened. They took my father and he let himself be taken and I was alone  _ at nine fucking years old _ in the house I’d found his body in.” 

He breathed deeply through his nose and took another step forward, his hand still resting on her collarbone. He liked it, he felt powerful that way, still taller than her by a wide margin, his large hand almost disproportionate compared to her thin frame. His thumb slowly rubbed the sensitive skin covering her artery. “You weren’t good enough,” he whispered in her ear, bending his head a little bit. The smell she had was unbelievable and he just wanted to fuck her against a tree and be done with the overpowering desire rushing through his veins. “I wasn’t either. It’s life. Grow up.”


	14. Sakura

For a few seconds she thinks he'll be sad and sorry. That wouldn't be his style, but maybe... Yeah. Maybe he'll admit he fucked up and she'll have peace. Such an utopy. She's desperate for peace the same way she was desperate for a boy all those years ago. Maybe even more. Strength, power and knowledge can't give her that. Never did, never will. She's hopeless. And maybe one day she'll find another kind of peace and bring it to herself where it belongs.

And then he's angry.  _ Now  _ that's more like his kind, isn't it? ANBU. Bullies. Always the firsts to touch nurses’ butts and whine when she stabs the hand for good measure. Now her nurses feel protected. She... Feels empty, as always. Justice is so easy to apply and it's up to her because she's the strongest, the meanest and Tsunade's golden child. That at least she succeeded to do. One promise she respected.

He's so  _ closecloseclose  _ she can feel his body heat and one crazy part of her want to steal that heat for herself. She never feels warm, even when she objectively is. There's his humid breath against her ear, his torso brushing her breasts. It's probably because she feels cold that the nipples are so hard. Not because he touches her and she allows it.

"What happened to you is really hard and I'd punish the ones who inflicted it to you if I could, but it's impossible and I'm sorry I can't avenge you. I really, sincerely am, despite how much I despise you." There's just a hint of compassion and fierceness in her voice, and then it melts away when she continues. "But please don't take Gai-sensei as an example of an imperfect teacher just like you." And there, there's in her tone a respect for the dead man she'll never feel again for Kakashi.

"I was really close to Tenten, you know? Especially after Sasori. She taught me stuff you should have. And we talked. We talked a lot about Gai-sensei and how he always listened to his students, even Neji when he was a destiny-obsessed brat. He listened. He cared. He loved all three of them so very much." Her voice shakes oh-so-slightly there but she doesn't cry. She never cries, even when she needs it so much she can't breathe.

"And yeah, you listened plenty and cared plenty about the boys. I get how they needed you  _ more _ . I always got it. But I deserved to have your attention even a little, even sometimes. And you didn't give it to me, not even once, not even after S-Sasori k..." she catches her words there. No. She can't. He'd probably mock her again. What's one little death? Her face softens. Resignation. Acceptance. "You're right. I wasn't good enough. Sorry I let it harm me."

And suddenly it's all her fault and she's fine with it. She can hate herself. She's too tired to fight it, anyway.


	15. Kakashi

Kakashi shook his head slightly, with a small sigh that both said 'how can you be so foolish' and 'you're going to be the death of me'. "Still. Gai confided that he felt he had not been there enough for his pupils. Although they adored him — who didn't? — he was sometimes too focused on Lee and they felt it was an injustice at those times. Thing is, he was likeable enough and was forgiven. I was not.” 

He could see beneath the destroyed fabric of her training gear that her nipples were erect and he drew in a sharp breath, closing his eyes briefly. That proved to be a mistake: with eyes closed, he was far more able to picture her naked, writhing behind him.  _ Get a hold of yourself _ . 

And then he reopened his eyes and caught her last sentence. “You’re right about that,” he said plainly. “I should have paid more attention, especially since you were a sensitive girl. I’m sure the things you’ve seen must have been hard for you, especially when Sasuke deserted.” The words were emotionless and even though he felt brave saying them, he knew it was far too late and the damage on the woman before him was done and not only by him. “I can’t correct years of neglect. You were the only one that had parents back then, and I thought you could handle things better. I was wrong.” 

It was not exactly a  _ sorry I screwed up so badly and you look empty now _ , but it was the best he could produce.

“Maa, maa. Sakura-chan,” he drawled in his former, slightly condescending, tone. “Why don’t you let me buy you a few drinks to make it up to you?”


	16. Sakura

And suddenly he stops fighting. For a dreadful second, she wants fighting Kakashi back. He's easier to handle that way. She can wound him just like he wounds her every fucking day just by living — and the amazing part is that his death  _ pained  _ her too during Nagato's attack. She's so tired of that hell.

"Damn right you should have."  _ I died and it hurts and somehow it's your fault _ . She rubs that place again. She can't even feel her heart beating there, only cold, rough skin. Tsunade never said she's broken, but her eyes are full of grief and shadows when she sees the scar. She still slightly tenses when he mentions her parents, two of the many victims Nagato left in his wake. Two of the many who never woke up. She's alone but being alone is easier anyway.

She snorts painfully when he suggests going to a  _ bar _ . She rubs the soot on her forehead, tension somewhat dissolved from her body. "Come on, sensei, I don't want to go in a place full of shinobi and testosterone right now. You males tend to have wandering hands and I really  _ could not _ take that crap today." She uses a playful tone, but there's no question about if she has been touched like that too. She has. Before she could break the hands in question for good measure.

"Counter-offer now. You come home so I can finish patching you up, spare you a visit to the hospital for the wheezing in your lung and stuff like that. There's plenty of alcohol in my fridge. Also, you always sunshin before any social stuff so let me stick this to you." Before he can react, she stick another anti-sunshin seal on his ridiculously broad shoulder. "You take it off, I break all your fingers. Try to relieve your current boner with that."

Yeah, she knows he still has it. She's a medic. She can read the slightly dilated pupil of his dark grey eye and the way he stands. Boner it is.


	17. Kakashi

He let out a breath he didn’t known he was holding when she relaxed a little bit.  _ Control. Things are in control _ . But he grew very quiet when she mentioned being groped by men in a fucking  _ bar _ . What? How? Oh, he knew how men behaved — he had been one of those too, back when he was too young and too wounded, though thankfully it had only been painfully awkward pickup lines and a few grumbled insults when he was denied. 

“ _ What _ ,” he hissed under his breath, absolutely sure she had heard him. He considered asking for names and going on a killing spree but he knew that Tsunade would be very, very mad at him and he couldn’t risk that. Plus, Sakura would probably hit him in the face for suggesting she couldn’t handle them and he didn’t think he would be able to endure that particular skill of hers. “Fine. Fine.” 

And then her hand was on his shoulder, quicker than a butterfly landing softly on a flower before taking off again a split second later. The seal was of no consequence. He knew he at least owed to her to be there a little while. But the contact sent a jolt through his body and he wanted to pin  _ her down right here _ .  _ Fuck the adrenalin _ , he thought ruefully.  _ I plainly and simply want her _ . 

Well, shit. 

When she mentioned his boner, he laughed out loud. Actually laughed. “Yeah, that might help. The adrenalin, eh?” he said conspiratorially, to hide his unease and profound desire. 

He was so, so fucked.


	18. Sakura

She hasn't forgotten him. Probably never will. He hurt her too hard all those ten years of neglect and dismissal. But she's so good at pretending. It's way easier to let him think she doesn't hate the fuck out of him than to pretend to a dying shinobi that she can save him. She did that so many times during the war. She's kinda satisfied and surprised when he accepts to come to her place. That's a big huge first,  _ obviously _ .

"Yeah, adrenalin. Imma take the bedroom and you can have the bathroom so you can clean up afterwards."

She's not shy or timid. Not anymore. Ninjas can't be, but medics? Medics let go of a lot of stuff. So yeah she can talk about his dick and masturbating until the coil in her lower abdomen fades. Maybe she'll come, maybe not. Maybe she'll use chakra, maybe not. Her sexual life is full of surprises now.

"Come now, sensei. I don't live far but we're half naked and guards will soon come see why the Training Ground is such a mess. I want to have left before that."

It's not a question and she leaves without waiting an answer. He follows, fortunately for him. After five mere minutes, they’re at her parents' house. She totally redecorated when they died. Now it's all empty and cold and chirurgical. Like her. She can't be bothered to bring color there except from her clothes and hair.

"So. D'you want to drink or yank it off first? Or both? I heard that both is good too."


	19. Kakashi

His eyebrows shot in the air at her casual proposal. Or was it a proposal? He wasn’t even sure he knew her. No, scratch that. He was absolutely sure he didn’t know her anymore. The girl —  _ woman  _ — before his eyes was cold, calculating, emotionless, and so beautiful it was a wonder he hadn’t noticed her before. 

_ She’s too good for you _ , whispered something in his head. 

But no. No, she was not. She was neither good nor bad, she just  _ was _ . She mirrored some of the emptiness that had been his during the worst years when he had contemplated doing the same thing as his father and be done with it. 

“Uh, sure,” he said dazedly, watching her leave with an involuntary sway of her hips that made his cock twitch. He followed her and caught up with her but stayed a few feet behind her, just to admire the way her legs moved a bit more. 

“Drinks first, I think,” he said when they were in her living room. Everything was so fucking clean and impersonal it was even more than his own flat. He didn’t acknowledge it. Clinical depression. He was not a medic but knew enough to figure that out. Well, maybe endorphins would be good for her. 

He took the glass she was handing him, full of saké, and downed it at once. Savouring the heat and burn on his taste buds, he got rid of the remains of his mask and Jônin jacket in a few swift movements. “You do realize,” he said slowly as if tasting the words, “that I want to fuck you senseless since you almost killed me?”


	20. Sakura

He asks for drinks first, so she plays the nice hostess and goes get them. She has a very nice bottle of sake she had planned to re-gift to Tsunade when Shizune would not have been working... But what shishou doesn't know can't cause her arm. So the bottle it is, with wooden glasses because this bottle apparently costs a fortune so if it's not good at least she has used the best glasses she has for alcohol.

"Here you go. I hope you hold your liquor because I do, and if you're sick it's your problem." She has cleaned up enough puke for a lifetime at the hospital. She dismisses the memory, concentrating on the alcohol burning on her tongue and the thought of the little vibrant friends she keeps in her nightstand. Fuck she wants it so bad it hurts.

And then Kakashi speaks again. He does do that a lot with that stupid deep voice of his and  _ what _ . She had turned her back to him to put the bottle on the table and turns back to him — wow.  _ Face _ . She's seen it now, even though she really tried to preserve his intimacy. The jacket is off too, and honestly his shirt is just rags at this point. Sexy.

She raises a thin eyebrow, thinks for a while then answer. "No, I hadn't realized but when you put it that way... Well, why not. I guess it's better than what I can do by myself." At this stage, she would have said yes to anyone. Anko. Genma. Even that dumbass Sasuke when His Highness deigns to show his face in the Village and is surprised when she says no because she has a bit of dignity left. Or not, obviously.

"Yeah, okay, let's do it. I heard you were very good — Jōnin blab so much around nurses. How do you want me?" She likes it rough and that's why Tenten was fabulous for her. Fuck how that woman can play with ninja wire. But even if Kakashi doesn't like it that way, she really heard he was good, and she may be able to reach orgasm. Right now, she wants it too badly to think about the consequences.


	21. Kakashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very short, I'm sorry. Percy was supposed to flesh it up a bit but she's sick so she couldn't do it and I'm not comfortable writing the character she controls in this story.

Oh. That was unexpected. He set the glass down on the white table behind him and scratched his chin, thinking. He was one for one-night stands, he really was, but her casual acceptance of his offer left him considering what she had in mind. Did she really not mind fucking her previous sensei? 

Still, her blunt words sent shivers down his spine. He would be able to get her back for the pain she had sent him through. He pictured himself spanking her pale, bare arse into insanity and swore under his breath. “Oh,” he said in a low voice still, creeping forward before palming the curve of her bum. “I want you in all kinds of way. Gentle or not so gentle? I’m not really a soft man.” He then lowered his lips to the exposed skin of her neck and bit down gently, just enough to send a little pain to her brain but not enough for her to recoil if it was too much.”I like it rough,” he added, inhaling the scent of her and was she wet, too? He was dying to get his fingers here and find out. “Just tell me how rough and I’ll behave.” 

He put a hand in her hair and tugged slightly at the long, pink straws, their softness unbearable.


	22. Sakura

Every move of his is so controlled it hurts to look at him. Something tenses between her legs and fuck she's wet. Well, that's not new. But now she can  _ feel  _ it. And if she can feel it, he can smell it.  _ Damn shit fuck _ . It's not even that she wants him to think she's not an easy catch. She is. She totally is. Almost all ninja are. And there's no shame about being easy. But it appears she has no pride anymore. A little bit of desire and she laid down to Tenten's feet so many times, begging for wire and hands all over her body. She knows she'll do something like that again today.

His hand on her bum doesn't make her flinch, not like when he touched her calf so gently she wanted to tear his hand and stuff it where the sun never shines. This is lewd. She  _ understands  _ lewd. "I'm not soft anymore," she answers in a shivering voice. He bites her and she feels a rush of wetness again. Her panties are probably ruined, like the rest of her clothes. Such a shame.

"Very rough is okay," she gasps when he tugs on her hair. "I use the tricolour system. Red is for stop, yellow for slow down and green for please continue. Is it okay?" She wants to be in that headspace where she begs and whines so badly she'd probably accept a no-password rule if Tenten hadn't made her swear never to. She like the tricolour system. It reminds her of halcyon days... and nights. Loads of nights.


	23. Kakashi

He groaned inwardly when she answered that she liked it really rough and something in his voice told him she knew what she was talking about. He hummed under his breath, tugging at her hair a little harder, just enough to make her gasp again.  _ I’ll get you on your knees begging. _ “This system works for me.” 

“Such a bad girl you’ve been,” he whispered next to her ear, letting his voice take the gravelly tone women seemed to enjoy so much. His free hand wandered down to her pants and unbuttoned them before deftly sliding inside. Oh, fuck. She was so fucking wet. So ready. And that was for him. Well, from the high of almost killing him, maybe, but still; it was for him. 

He wondered if the pain, wholly preventable, she had inflicted to herself had turned her on like that, or if it was simply fighting him and hurting him. 

Both were fine by him. 

She emitted a mewling sound when he slid one long, calloused finger inside her wet folds, and he bit at her neck a bit stronger than before. He added another finger and basked in her pleasure, before withdrawing swiftly. His nose twitched with the amazing smell of her, and he wanted nothing more than drink from the source of her pleasure until she screamed. 

“I want you on your knees,” he said in a commanding tone, undoing his belt and rolling it around his hand. It would probably prove useful later. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll have two parts Wednesday! Yay!


	24. Sakura

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's late! Life is a mess sometimes. Don't forget it's a double update!

So no negociations about the system. Great. He probably knows he's supposed to check regularly on her, asking for the color she's in. She has never escalated higher than orange. She hopes this won't be that kind of first time. Saying no, whatever the word used, frightens her as a... what? The true word for what she is sounds so humiliating and ashaming for a kunoichi. She won't use it.

"Yes," she almost moans when he tells her she's been bad. The word is familiar and comforting. She whimpers when he touches her. He's not brutal but not careful either and it's  _ perfect _ . Her hips move before she can stop them. He hasn't forbidden it. Her luck. Then one finger makes its way inside her and she melts against him. Another man would probably have taken her right there, but he doesn't seek a swift relief. He wants to play, she can read it in the way he touches her. Maybe even test her limits. Good luck for that.

She flinches when he withdraws. Here comes the wolf. And the wolf’s lung is still slightly wheezing. She should probably look at that but...  _ yeah, fucking comes first _ . He's not dumb enough to drop dead and even if he were to, she could still massage his heart into beating again.  _ Not now Sakura for fucks sake _ . Yeah. Fuck. Great idea.

She falls into position swiftly. Tenten taught her how to; the knees spread so she is accessible for his touch, hands behind her back and knuckles from one arm touching the elbow of the other. She lifts her chin so she can look at him, pupils clearly dilated and hair already kinda messy. Her lips tremble slightly, but she doesn't talk. She doesn't have permission, after all.


	25. Kakashi

He hissed when she knelt perfectly into place, her legs spread and her arms behind her. Submissive. Lovely. Her green eyes were fixated on him and she didn’t look at all like someone who’d just beaten his arse. 

“A very bad girl indeed,” he added for emphasis, lightly tapping his palm with the soft leather of his belt. He circled her slowly, enjoying the way her hair falls down messily all over her shoulder blades. He tugged at another strand before standing before her again. 

“I want you to suck my cock now. You have forty five seconds to undress me and get started. You are not to talk except when I address you directly, or to tell me your color. Get on it.”


	26. Sakura

Fuck shit damn screams her brain when he starts to circle her knelt body one step at a time like the fucking  _ wolf  _ he is. She wants what his stance and moves promise her and she wants it  _ now  _ — but she's not the one who decides here. That's one of the reasons she's so submissives and switches easily to this state. She's tired to lead in every single aspect of her life.

She almost moans when she hears leather against skin and mourns at the same time because it's not  _ her  _ skin. Such a waste. She can endure it. In fact, she'll heal immediately, unable to stop it. Just by thinking of it she grows warmer and her nipples tighten so much it's painful. She wants to come, damnit. Her head follows the tug in her hair, exposing her delicate neck. She looks at him with hazy eyes even though he's barely touched her. He knows what he's doing. Great.

She nods to his order and since he asked to be undressed, her hands quit their position. Chakra scalpels would come in handy but he'd probably be pissed if she ruined his clothes, so she does it the old way and in thirty-two seconds she's done, barely taking time to look at the skin she's exposed. She knows he's handsome and  _ fuck _ . He's handsome  _ there _ , too. Now, dicks are never pretty or anything but he's so big. She knows it'll hurt and she wants it so much...

But first she had to obey. She's given the glorious total of three blowjobs in her life. Kankurô, a civilian from Iron Country dead by now and Sai. All three of them were selfish enough to finish in her mouth and then let her in the pitiful state of desire and fever she was in. Maybe Kakashi will do that too. She deserves it for being so bad. But if it's punishment, she can handle it. Her lips find him for an almost chaste kiss before she takes the head inside.

She doesn't fool around, focused with the intoxicating idea of pleasing him. If she's good enough, maybe he'll give it to her afterwards, so she takes him as far as possible, his throbbing length in her tight throat, and never lets go. Her head goes back and forth but she never authorizes him to leave that place completely, even though she can't breathe. Who needs oxygen when you can suck a cock instead? He'll give her permission to breathe. Until then, she has more interesting things to do with her mouth.


	27. Kakashi

Drawing a deep breath through his nose, he watched her get to work, counting mentally. He fully intended to punish her should she take more time than what he had ordered, but she was very efficient and he mused he would find something else to punish her for later. Or not, if she behaved. 

The feeling of her soft mouth around his length was glorious. He ran a hand through her hair, marvelling at its softness and the small gasp he heard around his cock when he tugged. She was so, so responsive, so eager to please. "Good girl," he whispered hoarsely, watching her cheeks tint with red as her breath ran shorter and shorter. "Remember to breathe. I don't want you passed out." 

Her tongue ran against his glans when she withdrew a little bit and his grip on her hair tightened. "Yesss," he hissed through gritted teeth. "Use your tongue." He had to fight the urge to fuck her mouth but let her set her own pace. He didn't want to come too soon, not before pleasing her as a reward and burying himself in the drenched folds between her legs. "Enough," he said when he felt his testes tighten. Tugging lightly at her hair, he withdrew his shaft from the wonderful heat of her mouth, groaning in the process. "Did you enjoy sucking me, Sakura?" he added, bidding himself some time. The leather in his hand felt like solid fire and his fingers twitched.


	28. Sakura

He reacts to her soft attentions and she likes that too because she's helpless and hopeless. Tenten once said that blowjobs were an incredible power in the hands of the giver; she disagrees. She feels powerless down here. He could so easily  _ break her hit her kill her _ . She knows he won’t, and yet the thrill of fear and desire lights a roaring fire in her stomach. She wants it all. The good, the bad, the deadly.

He commands her to breathe so she breathes, slightly trembling from the lack of oxygen and unrest. Her exposed folds still drip and she can feel it smudging her spread legs. Fuck she wants hi— it. Not  _ him _ . Anyone's dick would be sufficient. He just happens to be a dominant bastard and that's exactly what she needs and now she idealizes the voice ordering her to lick him and worships the hot and smooth skin she feels harden again under her care.

And then he takes it from her and asks the expected question. She answers without hesitation. "Yes, sir, I enjoyed sucking you." There, there's finally something other vibrating in her tone than polite distance or dreadful emptiness. Her voice his full of desire and anticipation and she can't stop shivering in the light pouring through her living room's window, her hazy glaze finding his face. But she saw. She saw it all. His hands, so big. His belt. Fuck. She might come if he spanks her with it. She's in such a state, without a doubt.


	29. Kakashi

Her voice, subdued and obedient, combined with her calling him  _ sir _ , almost was his undoing. He bit his lower lip thoughtfully, watching her eyes full of desire for him and darting occasionally to the belt in his left hand. Oh, she wanted it, didn’t she?  _ Aren’t you a naughty little thing _ , he thought, amused. 

“Well done,” was the thing he finally settled with. “But I’m not quite sure it’s enough to pay back the harm you have done to me earlier. I think,” he said, still in this distant, emotionless voice, all the while stroking her cheek softly, “that I’m not done with you yet.” 

Letting go of her soft skin without showing any regret, he got rid of his ripped pants and settled, naked, on the leather couch. Stroking his cock thoughtfully while watching her, back straight and panting with desire, his voice snapped finally. “Take off your clothes, come here, and settle on my lap, face down,” he said in a commanding way. “You will count, and thank me. If you get the numbers wrong, we’ll start again. If you don’t show appropriate respect, we’ll start again. You are not to come until I allow you to do so.” 

He kept touching himself while she raised, ripped what was left of her clothes, and obediently sprawled on his lap. He petted her hair as a reward, a smirk forming on his lips when he heard her breathing getting more ragged. His right hand slid beneath her pale silhouette and stroke her wet cunt a few times, and then his left hand whipped a hard slap on her left cheek, leaving a red mark that faded instantly. 


	30. Sakura

His praise brings the faintest trace of pink on her cheeks. She loves being praised. That's something Anko taught her after the war. How to being punished so hard she forgets her own name and then praised because she took it all  _ and you're so gorgeous taking it I swear to God Sakura _ ... Focus. She's with Kakashi now. And his dick. The actually important part of this situation.

She stands up and does as he says, taking off what’s left of her clothes then lying on his lap with her bellybutton against his cock. So hard. Fuck. She shivers again, especially when he touches her hair so gently. In this particular context, maybe she can accept it. She doesn't really have a choice: if she can't let him give her aftercare, she's going to crash and that's never pretty. But again, she needs to focus. She moans shamelessly when he brings his glorious fingers to her folds, so surprised by the pleasure she actually jumps a little and lets out a hoarse cry when he hits her with the belt.

"One," she says in a breathless voice. "Thank you, sir." He does it again, and again. By ten, she has to use chakra to stop her orgasm from happening. By twenty, she can't stop trembling from pain and pleasure alike. By thirty, there are tears on her cheeks and her hips can't stop rolling. She needs him. Needs him so much. And this time her brain doesn't correct itself.


	31. Kakashi

She was taking it like a fucking queen. Her hoarse cries of pleasure and pain mingled made his cock twitch but his hand didn’t falter, striking with ferocious regularity. He could feel the way she wriggled to keep herself from coming and a few groans of desire fell from his mouth when she said ‘sir’ in a particularly delectable way. “You’re doing great, love,” he said gently, stroking gently the fading mark on her arse after his last hit. “Just a few more.” 

Praise kept coming out from his mouth, and he watched her knuckles turn white from the way she gripped at the leather beneath them. “That’s right,” he said, striking one more time before tossing the belt aside and sliding two fingers inside her a bit roughly. She was so tight, so warm and wet. Perfect. Ready. “Come for me now, love,” he growled, finding the perfect place inside her and twitching his fingers to stimulate her further. His right hand found her clit and teased it mercilessly. “It’s all right. I know you want to.” 

He watched her come undone and fought the urge to bury his shaft inside her immediately. He could wait. And he wanted to see this. She trembled and cried out and he held her during the spasms until she fell limply on his lap. Then, he gathered her in his arms and effortlessly pulled her up to his chest, drying her tears with his thumb and kissing her head gently. “Fuck, you looked wonderful when I hit you. It’s okay. I got you now. Just tell me when you’re ready for me. Is it still green?”


	32. Sakura

"Yes, yes," she whines when he promises there are just a few more before she can come. She still thanks him each time until he throws the belt away because she wants to be good, she wants to be so good. In her special headspace she wants him to love her, even though love is a construct, an illusion, and also doesn't exist.

And then he touches her again, rough and unforgiving. Her hips roll like crazy, and maybe the sound is lewd but she doesn't care at all. Let him see and hear and smell it all. "Please, sir, please," she whisper like a shame and confession. And then he allows it and she lets the layer of chakra dissolve. It only takes half a second before she comes and comes  _ and yes fucking glorious yes _ , moaning and still crying.

It takes her almost a minute to come back after her orgasm and she is physically relieved. She lets him cuddle her and pet her because she needs the aftercare, even though his words are senseless. He hasn't  _ got  _ her. Never has, never will. But it's okay. Maybe he can be enough by giving her pain and pleasure and shame and elation. He doesn't need to be someone in her life to fuck her until she forgets her own name.

"Yes, sir, still green. The best green you can imagine." She rises then, knees still spread on his lap, smudging fluids everywhere without the least bit of shame. He did this so he has no reason to mind. "I'm ready. Would you please fuck me sir? I need you. Please."


	33. Kakashi

“That’s a good girl,” he whispered when she stood. Her next words made him groan with desire and he almost chastised her for talking out of turn but she’d learn eventually and he didn’t want to be too rough for their first time together. “I will fuck you. Lie down on the floor.” 

He watched her do exactly as she had been told and lie down, her legs spread and cheeks still red from the crying and screaming. Her breathing is still flustered and uneven, but she did seem ready, at least to his standards. Kneeling before the folds between her legs, he gently teased her still swollen clit with his thumb, before bending and kissing the inside of her thigh. “I think, though,” he said, almost growling, “that you’ve deserved a reward. Would you like me to eat you out, Sakura?” 

The smell was overwhelming and he wanted nothing more than feast on her until she was screaming his name but he didn’t know her boundaries yet and wanted to be sure she was consenting to everything he suggested. Inhaling deeply, he rested his cheek on her thigh, looking up at her breasts and blushing face.


	34. Sakura

"Thank you, sir, thank you," she breathes out just before obeying. The wood is cold under her too hot body so she shivers once and twice before her skin accepts the thousand tiny bites. Her chest rises and falls a few times in nervous, short breaths. She wants him so much. She wants to feel him inside so much.

And then he does something surprising. He sets himself between her legs and kisses her thigh with so much tenderness she wants to scream and weep for a dreadful second. If the orgasm's haze hadn’t still been clinging to her brain, maybe she would have. She doesn't want tenderness. Not from him... And yet, yet it's just play here. He can be fake-tender. That is acceptable.

"I-yes, I'd like you to, please. C-can it be short though? I really, really need you to fuck me." And then she spreads her legs a bit more, eager to please him. With all the porn he reads, he must love to see, to watch. And she's gonna give it all to him because she needs to please him, and he's so fucking glorious and  _ good _ .


	35. Kakashi

He didn’t need to be told twice and got to work immediately, teasing her clit with his tongue. She had a bit of pink pubic hair that tickled his nose and he fought the urge to sneeze, burying his face further. He tickled and flicked his tongue all the while sliding two of his fingers inside her, finding her tight and slightly swollen. Good. Her whimpers and moans were a pure symphony to his ears, and his sense of smell was overwhelmed, but it felt just so good somehow to please her like that. 

After a few minutes, feeling her close, he withdrew his tongue to her muffled cry of protest and positioned himself above her, rubbing his glans on her labia to lubricate himself. He searched her eyes for confirmation, then closed his eyes as he entered her slowly. 

_ Something was wrong _ . His senses flared and alerted him and he froze, feeling Sakura tense slightly beneath him. At first, he didn’t know what this was about, why the sudden jolt of fear running through his body. And then it hit him.  _ Blood _ . 

He had learned through hard conditioning to be alarmed when he smelt blood and his body had reacted before his brain. Blood. Why? His blood-deprived brain sluggishly tried to unravel the mystery, and then he looked at Sakura in horror. 

“What the hell? Are— Are you a fucking virgin?”


	36. Sakura

And yeah, of course, he's good with his tongue too. He doesn't even punish her for her question — Anko would have punished her. In a few seconds, she's moaning and trembling under him. So good and she is going to come again... Or not, because he stops and takes his fingers out of her. She lets out a weak cry, her hips trying to follow him, but doesn't protest. She literally asked for this.

And finally, finally he's there, so big, so hard. She whimpers under his strength, cheeks flushed, but holds still. She needs to concentrate now. She doesn't want to fight him, not at all, but she knows her body does funny things when exposed to new stimuli. And she wants this so badly... But his rough voice takes her back to reality and her eyes snap open when he stops halfway buried in her.

"What the— Of course I'm not! I was in a relationship with Tenten for years and now I see Anko-san at least once a month for a session!" And suddenly she can't really look directly at him and has to remember how being easy is not a shame. "They just... Aren't fond of fake dicks so we never used them? And the few guys I had through the years were so lame they came before I could receive anything from them so..."

She can't move without hurting him, he's so strong and big, his whole body on her. And sex is not something she can take if he doesn't want to give it to her. "Listen, I'm a medic and a kunoichi. I don't care about a bit of skin between my legs. You took it away and I. Don't. Care. It could have been anyone and I wouldn't have batted an eye. But if..." her voice chokes there, desire and resignation all at once. "If it changes things for you, please take it out now so I can go relieve this need somewhere else. I won't be mad, okay? Just decide."

She's no longer submissive, but he's no longer dominating her either. If he decides he wants this, he can still go back to his role and she'll oblige and follow. If not, well. She knows Genma Shiranui is a bit of a master himself and the way he looks at her speaks of naughtiness and desire. Kakashi made her want a dick inside her, but she's no longer in the headspace where she worships him to no end. And she feels so vulnerable now with him half buried in her, not knowing if he'll continue or stop — the crash is not so far away. It frightens her. Crashing is okay when she's had so much pleasure she can't even walk. It's not the case yet and she's never had to endure it without the endorphins to numb her body and soul. For a terrible moment, she knows he can see her vulnerability and it just makes it worse.


	37. Kakashi

He sighed deeply and ran a slightly slick hand in his hair, still half-buried in her because he didn’t dare to move. That was ironic since he had hurt her quite expansively a few minutes earlier, but that was just entirely different and he didn’t feel in control anymore, which was deeply unsettling. 

“That’s not the fucking same,” he growled, fixing a stern glance on her. His mask was still removed and he felt almost vulnerable. “I mean you’ve never had anything bigger than fingers inside you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I am remarkably bigger than fingers. And you’re bleeding.” 

He knew that was absurd but he didn’t know that beforehand and part of him felt betrayed that she hadn’t told him. He would have been less rough, for sure. It just… didn’t feel right somehow. He had always been with women who had experience and were suited for his needs and wouldn’t fucking bleed. He didn’t draw blood — ever. Kakashi felt like he’d seen enough blood for a lifetime and the smell was excruciating. “Fuck,” he snapped, “what do you want to do then?”


	38. Sakura

She watches the uncertainty on his painfully beautiful face, unable to stop her body from shivering. She'll feel cold soon, she observes absentmindedly. So cold it'll look to her like nothing can make her warm again. So cold it'll look to her like she's dead and has never come back to life.

"Of course it's the same, because I decided it was;" she snaps. "My body, my rules, and you know it. I decided I wasn't a virgin anymore after Tenten tied me up in the air and made me come until I begged for her to stop because I couldn't take it anymore. Funnily enough, I didn't use Red that time." She hugs herself in her thin arms, as if she could seem stronger that way.

"Honestly, I didn't even think to tell you and I'm sorry it bothers you. I'm not even bleeding anymore. Medic, remember?" She sighs, voice full of regrets and tiredness. "I don't want to do anything you don't want. I don't want you forced to please me. Put it out, I'm gonna find something else and let you forget all this. Can you just be gone when I come back? I don't think I c-can..." her voice is small then and fades away before she can finish her sentence. She wants it all, but shinobi don't force each other. Ever. Even during wartime. Sex is the only thing you freely give and receive.


	39. Kakashi

Her tone made him want to lash out and discipline her again but he took a deep breath through his nostrils to calm himself. He understood where she was coming from, of course. In her mind, she was not a virgin anymore, that was clear, and he had to respect that. Still. Deflowering his former student felt wrong somehow and he felt tainted, but not tainted enough to withdraw and leave her there. He was not selfless enough. “If you’re sure, then,” he said in her ear, before slowly pushing forward. Indeed, the smell of blood was already fading, engulfed in the smell of her, and each of her tentative moans made him want to go faster. 

But oh, no. He wouldn’t forgive her cheekiness and insolence that easily and give her what she wanted. Despite how right she had been, the tone she had used while telling him off had been substandard considering the importance of respect to him. “Oh, so you want it then,” he whispered in her ear, nipping at her earlobe. “Beg prettily enough and I might make you come again.”


	40. Sakura

He seems to think for a while, and every second makes her grow colder and colder. She's on the verge of outright trembling when he makes his move, speaking with that fucktone in her ear and pushing forward. Her body still has to figure out a way to manage the invasion, but he's just gentle enough to give her the time.

He's good. So fucking good. Even without moving for real yet, he takes away all her control and all the coldness. Her lashes flutter as he starts moving. She can't muffle her moans. Powerless. Weak and protected, until the end of this weird, exquisite meeting. She circles his hips with her legs, pulling him closer and closer. Finally he's balls-deep in her and she can't stay silent, especially when he speaks again promises of delicious agony in her ear. "Yeah, fuck, yeah, everything you want. You're so fucking good."

She arches her back, offering her breasts to him. He can take it all. He acts just as rough as she imagined when this started, touching her in places she didn't think she'd ever feel something. She caresses him because he hasn't forbidden it, hands feverish and delicate, until she can't take the pleasure anymore and then five minutes longer just to punish herself.

"Please, please let me come," she begs in a breathless voice. "I need it so much, please, sir, I  _ need  _ it. Please."


	41. Kakashi

She felt exquisite. Her inner walls were agonizingly tight, circling his shaft with warmth and softness, and it took all he had not to just plunder her. He wanted to make this last, to hear her beg again and again, and he focused chakra in his cock to prevent himself from coming too fast. After all, he had been aroused at length during the afternoon, and he didn’t want to show any lack of control, at least not this soon. 

But, oh, did she beg prettily. Her whispers and moans were like music to his ears. She didn’t make any sense anymore, just saying nonsense in his ears and touching him everywhere. Glorious. Insufferable, but glorious. 

“You gorgeous fucking bitch,” he groaned when she finally showed him appropriate respect and he felt his balls tighten uncomfortably. “Have you got any idea what you’re doing to me? Fuck, you’re so beautiful, not that cold anymore, are you, you’re so tight—”

He was not gentle anymore. He was as rough as he allowed himself to be, thrusting into her with all his might, making her hips buck with the strength of his hits. “Yesss,” he hissed in her ear, and drew a hand to her throat, squeezing slightly. He knew what wonders lack of oxygen could do for an orgasm. “Come for me, now. That’s an order.”


	42. Sakura

His skin is not soft at all under her palms. She can tell fights and wars all over his glorious body, wherever she can reach. She feels so tiny and fragile under his indecently large frame. If she had thought about taking him for a long-time arrangement, she would have been happy about this feeling, reassured in her choice. But he won't be anything, not like that. It's just one time because she almost killed him and somehow it turned him on.

"Thank you, sir, thank you so much," she whispers in answer to his crude words. Insult and praise, tightly knit together. It's exactly what she needs right now, with the tingling of chakra alone to stop her from coming. His growling voice is pain and pleasure for her, intoxicating, blinding. Her eyes look at him like she would a wonder.

And then she can't praise him anymore because there's a hand around her delicate neck, squeezing with just enough pressure to stop oxygen from coming to her brain. He commands her to come and she falls apart, trembling and moaning in a broken voice. Her inner muscles convulse relentlessly around his shaft, taking him even further and trying to keep him there. Her orgasm draws on and on. It feels endless to her and yeah, fuck, so gooood. He comes, pulling a hoarse and tired cry out of her, and fuck, he's gorgeous like that with his eyes darkened by pleasure and the focused look on his face. Finally, her orgasm slows down then stops, and she melts under him.

Even now she feels overwhelmed by pleasure and looks at him with amazed eyes, fighting the need to cuddle. It's just the habit, okay? She used to cuddle with Tenten and Anko and she feels so fragile right now. At least she can touch his almost-too-warm skin with hands that don't have to harm. The hand on her throat releases her slowly, carefully. She lets out a broken sigh, closing her eyes slowly. The threat of a crash is back, but she's ready to take it now, so mellow and soft and tired, that if he can't give her aftercare she knows she'll be able to bear the irrational fear and self-disdain.


	43. Kakashi

She was so fucking beautiful while she came undone under him, writhing and moaning whispers because of his grip on her throat. He felt the urge to squeeze harder, not trusting himself to not hurt her too much. He knew she was a medic, of course, but he had a weird sense of responsibility for her still. And her squeezing her inner walls around him made him come, groaning and taking in her beautiful, small frame under him, a hand cupping one of her breasts and then he couldn’t hold his head straight anymore and buried his face in her neck, slowly letting go of her throat. Fuck. That was marvellous. He groaned something unintelligible under his breath while his cock twitched one last time, breathing deeply her slightly sweaty smell, darting his tongue to taste it. “Fuck,” he said nimbly, basking in the aftermath of his orgasm. “Fuck.” 

Slowly getting his shaft out of her, he shifted his weight to his side and his hip collided with the floor, hard. His arms wrapped around her shivering body and he pulled her to his chest, whispering praise in her ear and petting her beautiful, silky hair. “You were great,” he said. “Fucking great. You took it perfectly. Anko-chan taught you well, I’ll have to send her something nice.” He kissed her shoulder softly and pulled her closer still, trying to keep her warm and protected from the unforgivingly cold wooden floor beneath them. “That’s my good girl.”


	44. Sakura

Suddenly he's all around her, gentle and tender. She keeps her eyes closed, listening to all the muted sensations in her body. She feels so calm, now, soothed by his deep voice and careful hands on her. He's warm and right now it matters so much, way more than he'd think.

She rumbles something incomprehensible when he mentions Anko. Yeah, she taught her well. "Tenten too," she finally answers in a sluggish, tired voice. She presses her thin legs against his, so much stronger at first glance. "She taught me a lot. My first. She's with Lee now, and Sai is her pet." She doesn't tell how she misses her sometimes. Not the love or sex, but the companionship. They're still friends but that's not the same. "Anko-san is so strict with me. I love it." And maybe she blabs so much because he's taking good care of her right now and she's thrown off balance. 

She doesn't notice the possessive edge in his voice, so she praises him like she praised the girls, but with the amazed vibration of a discovery in her tone. "You're incredible. 'loved it all. You're sooooo good." And then it hits her all. She starts to shake like the last leave of autumn, her teeth shattering and cold sweat on her neck. "Fuck. Fuck. How can it be so good when I hate you so much? Fuck, I can't... I don't understand..." And there her voice is small again, lost again, and she needs answers, reassurance, but she knows, knows Kakashi  _ never  _ gave it to her.


End file.
